So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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