How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize