Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
