How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
