I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
