My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
