he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
