i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
