well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
