Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
