I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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