Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
