I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
