I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
