Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
