Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she pinky promised me she was 18
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
