Someone shit on the floor
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
