There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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