He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
