too bad you live with your parents still
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
