Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
