last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
