official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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