I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
