I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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