The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Someone signed my nipple.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
