You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize