After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
