a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize