I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
