im drinking this country out of the recession.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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