she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
her facebook's as public as her vagina
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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