Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
