12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
