His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
