Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
