He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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