Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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