I am puke
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
