I think I am morally bankrupt
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
