she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
