Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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