OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
