OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She's the barista slut.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
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