No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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