drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Randomize
