so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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