I can't breathe out the right side of my face
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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