i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
