i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
do nipples grow back?
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