I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
