the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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