oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
