i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
