I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
