Already got asked if we're dating
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
