rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
