Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
