Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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