Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
