He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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