Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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