She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
