Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
it's like iHOP with fire
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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