It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
