I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
