I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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