I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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