Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
