Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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